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Friday, 10 July 2009

      It is our anniversary today. Many couples don't celebrate anniversaries of "long-togetherness". Some because of death and some by divorce. My husband forwarded a good story to me this week.
The secret of a long, happy marriage…
THE SHOEBOX.
A man and woman had been married for more than 60 years.
They had shared everything. They had talked about everything.
They had kept no secrets from each other except that the little
old woman had a shoe box in the top of her closet that she had
cautioned her husband never to open or ask her about.
For all of these years, he had never thought about the box, but
one day the little old woman got very sick and the doctor said
she would not recover.
In trying to sort out their affairs, the little old man took
down the shoe box and took it to his wife's bedside
She agreed that it was time that he should know what was
in the box. When he opened it, he found two crocheted dolls
and a stack of money totaling $95,000.
He asked her about the contents. 'When we were to be married,'
she said, ' my grandmother told me the secret of a happy marriage
was to never argue. She told me that if I ever got angry with you,
I should just keep quiet and crochet a doll.'
The little old man was so moved; he had to fight back tears. Only two
precious dolls were in the box. She had only been angry with him two
times in all those years of living and loving. He almost burst with
happiness.
'Honey,' he said, 'that explains the doll, but what about all of this money?
Where did it come from?'
'Oh,' she said, 'that's the money I made from selling the dolls.'

A Prayer.......
Dear Lord, I pray for Wisdom to understand my man;
Love to forgive him; And Patience for his moods;
Because Lord, if I pray for Strength,
I'll beat him to death, because I don't have time to crochet.

   I have heard a different version of this idea, but either way, it says so much. I haven't kept quiet through the years, but then again I don't crochet. The best thing that ever occurred for us was taking the Myers-Brigg personality test. The one we took was thorough and followed by an explanation session. We are on the opposite ends of the categories and by hearing the explanations of those areas, we began to understand why the other person just didn't want to do it like I did. I began to recognize those differences and adapted (most of the time).   For instance, after a busy week, my husband prefers to relax at home to refresh himself. If I have had a busy week, I would love to go be active to rejuvenate. If I sat on the couch, I would fall asleep. This was a chance for compromise and way less frustration. I have learned that I can not pop an idea out to do right now. He needs to process it and expect my plans. Once again, less aggravation.
   Neither of us was wrong, we are just different.
   We also took the Spiritual Gifts classes in our church which was so freeing. Once again, we find each other's characteristics to be God--given for the particular gifts we have. What a freeing concept.
    I hope to keep learning to be a better wife for as long as God blesses us with anniversaries. How can it be that I am so privileged to be loved by this guy!

Monday, 08 June 2009

     I was just gone for the greater part of 9 days and prepared for it in a half day. God guided all the "to do's" that morning. We were grieving and we were going to join family doing the same. My husband's 68-year old brother passed away, not old in years, but old in health. He spent 7 years in a nursing home and each time we saw him, we saw a different man. Conversation was a thing of the past, but hymn singing stirred his soul and caught his attention every time a sing-a-long was taking place.
     What is it about music? Recently in the car a song by Skeeter Davis came on, a song that said "Why do the stars go on shining? Why do these eyes of mine cry? Don't they know it's the end of the world? It ended when you said good-bye." That's a song from the 60's, but as I sang along, I was a teen-ager, singing and feeling the sadness of a lost love. I don't look like I did, but I was transported in time.
     When I sing the children's choruses to my grandchildren that I sang to my children, I can put myself at their bedsides 30 some years ago and hear the sounds of the night time.
      Does everyone feel this way about music? I wonder. We don't sing as many of the songs in church anymore that I grew up with and I find myself forgetting some of the words when I try to sing them in the car, but the melodies are always there. I enjoy most any kind of music. Hated country music before I got married. Loved classical. My husband loved country so I listened and learned to enjoy it. Still remember a rainy evening in the Black Hills. We were camping with our children, but needed an outing. Found this small rustic building that was housing a gospel/ country music concert. Maybe, it was the camaraderie or the dry warm room, but the music was a bit of heaven. I couldn't even tell you who was singing, but my music experience stretched and I loved it! and I love the memory.
       When I sat down to play some of my parent's favorite hymns, I was always blessed if they joined me singing along with their soft voices. I guess I was blessing them by giving them a chance to sing what they treasured.
      And so back to my brother-in-law. My husband's family can break out into song anywhere and so some of the nieces and a nephew and my husband gave tribute to him at his funeral with a medley of favorite sacred songs. Bill would have been pleased. God was glorified!

Tuesday, 05 May 2009

      Whoops, gardening work got to my back this morning so while I sit with a cold pack, I can write a bit. How great our God is to care about his great big world and all the little events that go on. This past Sunday, we were in our daughters's church having previously discussed that I would leave shortly after the service to be the person at "home" to for the return of the foster children from their visit. In a quick rearrangement of plans, someone else was going to be there instead while we had another errand. I mentioned this to my daughter, the foster mother. Her quick reply told me, okay, but she had told the case worker that I would receive the children. So we again rearranged our plans and I pleasantly sat in the sunshine and waited for the children. Well, the foster mom daughter made it home in time. (please bear with the details), so we both stood and talked to this case worker adult for about 15 minutes -- pleasant conversation that gave us insight which we thought was good.
     And so life goes on. We traveled to our home after a marvelous lunch and I attended a small group Bible study Sunday night that was the end of lessons on how the Holy Spirit works. This morning, the foster mom daughter told me that she visited a little more with the case worker when he came to pick the children up. In that conversation, he told her "tell your mom that I have been going over and over what she said and found it to be so good." and he didn't give any details.
     We don't have any idea what I said. And that is marvelous! The Spirit at work. The Spirit was rearranging my plans. The Spirit caused the sun to be shining so we were leisurely. The Spirit used me to say something to the case worker that he needed to hear! My, oh my, what a humbling walk with my God.

Sunday, 26 April 2009

     A bug trapped me at home this weekend, but this one is treatable -- strep throat. Being conscious of every time I swallow, fever, swollen glands, and a garbled voice were the set-backs, but I am so thankful for the convenience of an urgent care center on a Sat., available antibiotics, and lab techs to determine the results of throat swabs.
     There was a time when none of this was a reality. I along with many others shake my head at the cost of medical expenses, but I do need to realize the great privilege of living in an age when we can be helped because of amazing advances in medical care. This morning we heard an interview on the TV show "Sunday Morning" of a gentleman who is 112 years old, a very clear-minded man so I am sure the person given the privilege of interviewing him had a lot of fun. We smiled when he said his grandfather fought in the Civil War and he lived when there were no radios. Try to imagine the amount of advances in absolutely everything during this man's lifetime. I can't imagine not having a radio or a telephone. My 5-yr. old granddaughter was trying to grasp the idea that I didn't have TV as a child; her mother grew up with telephones connected to the wall (how old-fashioned). In this age of constant renovation, what will her children have that she has never experienced? I couldn't even guess.
    Strep throat would have been a sentence to a more serious health complication. My list of great-grand-parents includes a lot of 2nd, 3rd, and even 4th marrriages because one or the other spouse died at a young age from ailments that could not be prevented .
    This is just one more reminder to live thankfully enough. The phrase of "an attitude of gratitude" is well worth repeating, awareness of and gratitude for blessing upon blessing. So, thank you, Lord, for drug researchers and pharmacists and 40 pills in a little bottle.

Tuesday, 21 April 2009

      In my mind, I have written many blogs since the one in March, but nothing has come your way through mental telepathy, so I will be verbal for a few minutes.
      Our foster grandchildren have opened up our eyes to another world. Do young parents realize, did I realize at that time, that quantity of time in the form of nurturing and snuggling and rocking had such an impact on a child's brain as it actually does? We simply enjoyed "lovin" on the kids. These most natural and delightful actions are not only good for the emotions; they are a huge part of the physical growth of brain matter and without this, a child will respond to life in some desperate ways. At times they are defensive, protective, angry and yet cry out for security and love. And we are glad for the chance to give it.
      We have seen the result of the absence of nurturing and we hurt for the brokenness of these children. Through some purposeful play therapy over a lengthy period of time, this can change. We pray that this may occur.
       So, anyway, this has brought up the debate of nurture vs. nature. I am born with the characteristics that God created in me, but how those come to play is determined by what I have experienced. In conversation at our supper table, I mused that the foster children experience has done something to me as a teacher. I still must and will respond to misbehavior, but I realize more acutely that many of these children have been poorly cared for and need my tenderness. They have to protect themselves and put up barriers because if they comply with me, a new adult in their life, they become very vulnerable. I need to show them that trusting me is okay. Many reactions are simply ways they have used to survive and protect themselves.
       Maybe we should muse about how defensive we can be to cover up our vulnerability. I am who I am, or am I? Am I really telling you who I am by my writing? Or am I protecting something within myself by not saying somethings?
       I know one who I can trust so I say "Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting." My prayer from Psalm 139. I think we learn about our relationship with God through different experiences.
      Be blessed as you learn.